《故事- 蛔蟲故事》
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Now, I loved my grandpa.
He wasn't the average person.
He would do things that a lot of people
would consider inappropriate,
but I loved him just the same.
我很愛我爺爺
他跟一般人很不一樣
他會做一些很多人會覺得
可能不太恰當的事
可是我還是一樣很愛他
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For example, you know...
he'd pick his nose and then hold it out
and go: "You hungry?"
He'd do stuff... He'd do stuff like that.
The other thing he would do all the time
is we'd all be at the dinner table.
舉個例子，像是...
他會挖鼻孔，然後挖出來問你：
「你餓不餓？」
他就是會做這種事……
還有一件他很常做的事，就是...
我們一起在餐桌上吃飯時
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You know...
We'd all be sitting down to eat.
And my grandpa would rip like…a fart.
And it wouldn't be like…a quiet fart.
It'd be like...
Like that kind of a fart.
And he'd go:
"Hear that elephant
squeeze under the chair?"
And then he'd start laughing.
大家都坐好，準備要開吃了
我爺爺就會放屁
不是那種安靜的屁喔
而是...超大的響屁
然後他會說：
「聽到了嗎？大象擠到椅子下了」
然後自己笑到不行
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And sometimes he'd switch it up.
Sometimes he'd say:
"Oh, I think there's a frog in here."
And so he'd do it over and over again.
有時候還會換花樣
他會說：
「喔，我猜這裡有青蛙！」
他會重複做這件事情
_______________________
And it would start out funny,
and then he would keep doing it,
and then it would get annoying,
and then it would get funny again,
because he thought it was funny
every time he did it.
一開始很好笑
可是他不停地放
就變得有點煩了
可是接著又會變得很好笑
因為每次這樣做的時候
他都覺得很搞笑
_______________________
Now, another thing my grandpa would do is
he would tell me jokes,
and some of these jokes
were not necessarily appropriate
for little kids,
but I loved them just the same.
我爺爺平常還會跟我講笑話
那些笑話裡面
有的不太適合小朋友
可是我就是很愛聽啊
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They're really funny.
I still remember them to this day.
And I haven't heard these jokes
from anyone else.
真的很好笑耶
我到現在都還記得喔
那些笑話我從沒聽別人講過
_______________________
Only my grandpa and my dad
told me these jokes.
And one of his famous jokes
is the tapeworm joke.
Well, the joke goes like this.
只有聽我爺爺和我爸說過而已
其中一個他最有名的笑話
是「寄生蟲笑話」
好，事情是這樣的：
_______________________
There was this guy,
and he wasn't feeling really good.
So he decided to go to the doctor.
And the doctor gave him a checkup,
and the doctor said:
"Looks like you've got a tapeworm."
And the guy said: "A tapeworm?
Oh, gross. What do I need to do?"
有一個人身體不太舒服
所以就去看醫生
醫生幫他做了檢查
然後說：
「看來你身體裡有寄生蟲喔」
那個人說：
「寄生蟲？！呃...好噁喔！
我該怎麼做？」
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And the doctor said: "Don't worry.
I can give you some meds.
And if you take the meds every day,
it should be gone in a couple of months."
醫生接著說：
「別擔心，我可以開一些藥給你
你只要每天吃藥
幾個月內就會好了」
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The guy's like: "A couple of months?
No! I want it out now!
Is there a faster way?"
The doctor hesitated.
He's like: "Well... yeah.
It's not fun, though.
I wouldn't recommend it."
那個人說：
「幾個月？！不行！
我要牠現在就出來！
有沒有更快的方法？」
那位醫生猶豫了，他說：
「嗯...是有。可是那方法不太舒服
我不建議這麼做」
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And the guy's like:
"I don't care. I don't care.
I want it out now."
And the doctor's like:
"Okay. Fair enough."
那個人說：
「我不管！我不管啦！
我要牠現在出來！」
醫生說：「好吧，既然你堅持...」
_______________________
One second,
the doctor went to the bathroom,
and there was a refrigerator.
He opened the door to the refrigerator
and pulled out two eggs and came back.
He said: "All right. Drop your pants."
下一秒，醫生轉身進了廁所
廁所裡有個冰箱
他打開冰箱門
從裡面拿出兩顆蛋，走了回來
他說：「好，脫掉你的褲子」
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And the doctor put both of the eggs
in the guy's bum.
He put one egg in,
and then he put the other egg in.
And the guy put his pants back on.
接著醫生把那兩顆蛋
塞進那個人的屁股
他先塞一顆
然後再塞另一顆
最後那個人把褲子穿回去
_______________________
The doctor said: "All right.
I need you to come back tomorrow,
but you need to bring
two eggs of your own next time. Okay?"
The guy's like: "Why?"
He said: "You'll learn soon enough."
醫生說：
「好了！
我要你明天回來找我
可是你要自己準備兩顆蛋來喔，OK？」
那個人問：「為什麼？」
醫生說：「你很快就會知道了」
_______________________
Next day, the guy came back,
two eggs up his bum.
Well, the guy came back on the third day.
It was the same thing.
The doctor put two more eggs up his bum.
And then on the fourth day,
the doctor put two more eggs in.
隔天，那個人回來了
醫生又塞了兩顆蛋
接著，第三天他又回來
過程都一樣
醫生還是塞了兩顆蛋到他的屁股裡
再來第四天
又塞了另外兩顆
_______________________
But when they're done, the doctor said:
"Okay. Tomorrow's the last day.
What I want you to do
is you're gonna bring back
just one egg and a hammer. Okay?"
The guy's like: "Okay."
And so he went back home.
可是這次塞完後，醫生說：
「好了，明天是最後一天了
我要你做的是
明天帶一顆蛋和一把鐵鎚來，OK嗎？」
那個人說：「好」
然後就回家了
_______________________
Well, on the fifth day,
the guy came back to the doctor's office.
Same thing,
the doctor made him drop his pants,
and the doctor put the one egg in it.
But this time, he held up a hammer.
The guy's like: "What are you doing?"
到了第五天
那個人來到醫生辦公室
一樣，醫生叫他脫下褲子
然後把一顆蛋塞進去
可是這次塞完後，醫生舉起鐵鎚
那個人嚇到：「你要做什麼？！」
_______________________
And the doctor went:
"Shh, shh, shh, shh... Wait."
All of a sudden, the tapeworm came out.
"Hey! Where's my other egg?"
And that's how he got rid of the tapeworm.
醫生說：
「噓、噓、噓....等等」
突然那隻蛔蟲跑出來說：
「嘿！我的另一顆蛋咧？？？」
這就是他除掉蛔蟲的方法......
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It's one of my favorite jokes
that my grandpa told me.
It really makes me miss him.
So the way that I honor his memory
is by spreading his weird jokes everywhere,
so everybody knows about them.
這是我爺爺講的笑話裡
我的最愛之一
每次想到就好想他喔
所以我紀念他的方式
就是繼續到處講他的怪笑話
讓大家知道他的好笑